Today was a first. Jason had to take Gwyn to her 12 year physical exam. This is the first time that he has ever had to take any if our children to the doctor. I think he went with me once when Gwyn was a baby to get her shots, but that's it. But life has changed and I have a job now (even though it is considerably less hours and money than his). But it has thrown a wrench in the usual way our family works. Now there are things that I can't do because I have to work that day.
It's easy to feel like I'm failing somehow because I'm not taking care if everything I used to, or all the things I think ate expected if me. But I'm realizing that we are a team of two parents, not me doing the parent stuff and Jason making the money. It was never that neatly divided anyway. And Jason has always been a big help and a great dad.
This is more about the expectations I put on myself to continue doing what I've generally done while at the same time adding a host of new responsibilities. I've had to back off of feeling like I have to do it all, because I can't do it all.
I read an article recently that made the point that it is a luxury for the whole family for one parent to be able to stay home during the day. Chores get done. Errands get run. Food gets cooked. All this may not happen perfectly, but generally this leaves the time when the working spouse is home for leisure and family-time. Again, not always perfectly and there's always something that needs to be done. But again, on the team everyone is working together doing their part for the family. If that involves making money or taking care of children, or cleaning, or errands, or yardwork, it is for the benefit of the whole family.
So all this rambling is to say that I appreciate the seasons of life where I was home most days or chose what to do with my/our day. And I really appreciate that Jason is there to move into new things for him when I am unable.
So I haven't figured out how this season is supposed to look or work. I know I feel stretched very thin (like butter spread across too much bread as Bilbo would say). I don't have anything on my plate that I feel can be done away with though. I've tried very hard to say yes to the things that I feel need my best right now, and no to the things that would only detract from my best.
It's a persevere and re-evaluate later kind of season.
And in the mean-time, Jason was there to let Gwyn squeeze his hand while she got a shot today instead of mine. It's weird, but it's not bad.
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